Ruth

       Have you ever seen a crying God? A way to depict this image could easily be that of nurses running around from the east wing of the hospital to the west wing because they couldn’t find their own north. Sorrowful echoes. Tears of joy. Pure chaos. The birth of a child stunned everyone. Wasn’t it normal for babies to be born in the hospital? Yes. Entonces, ¿qué diferenciaba a esta bebé del resto? A hurricane pushed her out of the mother’s body. Or, her mother gave birth to her during a hurricane. Or, the child came into this world bringing with her a hurricane. No matter how many stories her relatives came up with; it all meant the same: That baby wasn’t a normal baby.  Not because her parents got divorced after she was born. Not because she preferred to read books instead of playing with kids her age.                             

                 Her life was doomed from the moment her father secretly went to register the baby’s name without the mother’s consent. The father chose Ruth. And life showed her Ruthless. She grew up painfully slow. I felt as if everything was holding me back. The language I speak. The clothes I wore. The pain I felt. The people. My family. My mistakes. Their mistakes. Our money. The lack of. I was furious. I wanted a change. And when change came the second hurricane also did. I was born in the Caribbean. That’s who I was. The person I lost. The child’s mother left. Forced into another country by determination and a miserable life. And then me and my sister followed after her like little bright yellow ducklings. 

               Life is nothing but the result of our choices. Life is God’s will. Life is good. Life is sad. People can’t come up with enough excuses to justify that humanity is lost. The girl who wasn’t born like the others had a lethal addiction. Books. Illusions. And WHAT IF’S that she knows will never come true for her. An absent father that doomed her with a name she might not live up to. A loving mother that made bad choices. A sister that means an entire world to her. Details. Details. You don’t go about telling your secrets to strangers. Some details are my secrets for me to keep during an entire lifetime. Maybe in the next life (if God has eyes) I’ll be born as a princess from an ancient fairytale. Tú sabes… since I’ve lived a tragic life… I might just be waiting for the happy ending. 

           Tengo diecinueve años. My soul feels as old as the earth. I want to say fuck you to my co-workers. I want to tell them that they are lazy little shits —and even though I’m new, I deserve more than a side eye. I want to tell that one ex-friend I hate you because you wasted five years of my time making me believe that you were worth it. To the friend who showed me a hard truth, gracias por quedarte. These people made me. They shaped my thoughts and changed my personality. Now, I’m an immigrant college student. Y aún así, I still soy la bebé que nació durante un huracán.